morning, awake since four, dont know what i was thinking. hey, school starts in five hours. i better get up and hang out on youtube, because that will really get me going for the first day back.

bravo mary. bravo.

A little throw back to the tender age of twenty one. Emergence.

My old friend
I am mourning
My fox who has tamed me
Where have you been?

An interesting experiment with one of my old arch enemies, charcoal. Maybe it's not so bad after all, this devious medium. Maybe.

I made this with dry pastels, the first night of holidays, two months ago. It was before my school feedback interview, when I was feeling pretty dismal, and down on my efforts. Add a bottle of wine, drank in front of the mirror, listening to terrible music involving lots of wailing women.

Turns out I did ok and passed my classes.

Since then I reworked it so much it's become barely recognizable. Thought it was wrecked, but now I'm thinking I'll seal it as an underlayer and then paint another mezface over it.

Despite the challenging emotional associations drifting through the image, I like it anyway. Initially, self portraits were daunting things. Starting to enjoy the process much more. Hopefully I can salvage the energy put into this, and make another decent piece. Still a little disappointed it no longer exists in this form though.

It's hitting home. Semester 2 starts monday. It would be nice if I felt refreshed, energized and ready to commit to school. Haven't used the time off to stabilize my art and my intention. Instead I just kind of seeped through the floorboards into that space I know too well, where I forget I was ever a student to begin with.
Eat food, hang out with cats, drink drink drink, bemoan the conditions of existence and smoke up, Thumbing my nose at the gods.

I have however enjoyed being able to work intimately, outside the realm of deadline and schedule.

This is a detail from a drawing in progress. Not sure how this one came to be, it's quite dark. I think it's a painfully honest, unsettling image. When a session unfolds leaving me feeling shaky I know it's hit home. Sometimes the world just overwhelms.

 

There's going to be a lot more colour, shadows creeping in from the right, and then maybe acrylic washes in a couple different reds, over her body. Trying to loosen up, let myself experiment and stop being so precious over every little thing I create.